messy hands.

**This was written while we were in Africa**

I start each day with clean hands & a clean body. & then comes Africa. The roads & the children & the dirt & many many handshakes. They all leave their mark. & then at the end of the day, you look at your hands and realize you're five shades darker. You wash your hands & the soap and water literally turn brown.

And most people hate this and find it disgusting. And ya, it kind of is.

But I crave it.

Because it means I did something. Because the reason behind the dirt is that children were loved & encouragement was given & lessons were learned.

Because of this, the dirty water is completely beautiful.

trust.

Trust: Firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.

We talk about trust often. Trust in God. Trust in friends & the one that we are in love with. I don't think  a lot of people are ever forced to full on trust anyone though.

We say we trust God & we trust our friends. But I think what we mean is that we would trust them. If we ever had to.

Most of America has food & water & education. We really can function without God. If we are hungry we go to the kitchen cabinet. If we're thirsty, we get a drink. If we're sick, we go to the doctor. 

In my daily life, I am not forced to trust God. 

But that has changed since I've been back from Africa. You see, I have emotions that no one understands, nor can I put some of them into words. The English language isn't big enough for my emotions. Probably because God is bigger and waaaaayyyy more complex than our language. 

The biggest way in which I am having to trust is my future. I know bits & pieces of what I am supposed to do, but I have no idea how to get there. So I am waiting & trusting. It's scary & yet feels so good to be fully trusting God. 

I find it thrilling.

So now I am just waiting & trusting. Waiting for the next step.

"Jesus replied, you don't understand now what I am doing, but someday you will."

John 13:7

25 lessons Africa taught me

I learned so much while in Africa & am still trying to process everything I learned. I want to share with you some of the things that I learned & some things I have become thankful for.

#1: This world is so much smaller than we make it seem. Yes, smaller. In less than a day, you can get halfway around the world. 

#2: We are all so much more alike than we think. 

#3: God is good. So good. He is so worthy of our trust.

#4: When we give God our lives. Truly tell him he can do whatever he wants, he will replace your dreams with such greater dreams. 

#5: I LOOVVEEE african children. It is such a God given love, because it is a stronger love than I have ever felt towards anyone or anything. I have such a deep craving to be with them. To love on them.

#6: It is soooo possible to be content without being comfortable.

#7: Culture shock is real. 

#8: It is so important to spend your life doing meaningful things. There are sooo many people out there struggling to survive, holding onto life with their pinky. It is possible to make their lives better.

#8: I think God sometimes God gives us confusing emotions that we can't explain in words, so that we are forced into his arms.

#9: Children are capable of way more than we think. 

#10: Showers are amazing. I am sooo much more thankful for water. Running water. Drinkable water.

#11: I have become thankful that every day I have food. 

#12: There's nothing I want more than to live a good story with my life. I want to help people. Help to make this world a better place. Give away my life in hopes of helping others get to live there's.

#13: I've learned more about how to love people. Truly love them. Unselfishly.

#14: After seeing pain, true pain, I've learned that without God there is nothing you can do to help this person long term.

#15: To live in Africa is not as romantic as people think. After you get over the thrill of a short-term trip, it truly is hard.

#16: Africa definitely is very "romanticized" in our minds. 

#17: I am so inadequate for what I feel God wants me to do with my life, but boy am I willing.

#18: It is sooo hard to put a trip like this into words. Especially when people want a 10 second explanation..or less!

#19: I am even more confused after coming home as to what I am supposed to do with my life. I am being forced to trust God & it is scary. I read this on a blog today, "He doesn’t withhold info because He doesn’t love you but because of His great love for you." He knows what this small mind can handle  & so I am leaning to trust and wait.

#20: For so little money, we can change the course of someones life. YOU can send a child to school. YOU can fill their bellies. For around $100 (which is astronomical in Swaziland) you can send a child to school. Which alters the rest of their life.

#21: Our problems are sooo tiny.

#21: Inward beauty truly does shine.

#22: A heart full of joy & contentment changes everything.

#23: Found this to be soo true: "Impression without expression leads to depression."

#24: People are what make a place beautiful.

#25: I am starting to fall in love with Africa. The way of life. The kiddos! The joy. The happiness. The broken-ness. Everything.

And while some of these lessons sound small & sound obvious, it's different to know the lesson & know it. Truly have learned it & know it with all of your heart.